Greg Gutfeld: The parodies we’ve created are now real

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This will make your blood boil if you have any blood left after it shoots out of your eyeballs. This is an unbelievable story, yet somehow believable these days from the New York Post.

Wisconsin school district has filed sexual harassment complaints against three middle schoolers for calling a classmate by a wrong pronoun. I know, I know. How are these kids supposed to even know what a pronoun is when they’re too busy being taught about how racist they are? Priorities, people. 

This isn’t some loony left-wing city on either left coast. This is a school district in Kyle, Wisconsin, a city of just 3,600 people. Talk about small. Larry Kudlow could fit that many people in his steam room and he’s tried. Have you got a court date for that yet, Larry? 

Anyway, apparently school administrators charged three eighth-graders from the Kiel Middle School with sexual harassment after an incident in April where these kids refused to use “they” to refer to a classmate who’d switched pronouns a month before the so-called incident. 

I’ll say it before and I’ll say it again. The only time you should refer to one person as “they” is if they are over 400 pounds, as in they love pancakes, or they are blocking the fire exit. 

One of the accused kid’s mom or “birthing person” to Democrats gives us the scoop. 

MOM OF ACCUSED CHILD: I received a phone call from the principal over at the elementary school forewarning me, letting me know that I was going to be receiving an email with sexual harassment allegations against my son. 

He said he’s being allegedly charged with sexual harassment for not using proper pronouns. I thought it wasn’t real. I thought, this has got to be a gag, a joke. 

You and me both. But her son Braden was indeed charged. And with what? Having a low tolerance for BS? But this feels to me made up because it’s so on the nose in terms of fulfilling our own criticisms of wokeness. 

It’s like the government sending out free crack pipes after I already paid full price. But it’s real. I guess that’s the world we live in where the parodies we created months ago are now suddenly real. In other words, the far left is so insane, they’re now predictable. 

Remember, it was five years ago that Jordan Peterson, an obscure Canadian professor, was threatened with punishment at his college for not adhering to new pronoun guidelines. He refused to comply and when people heard his story, he became a hero, which is easy to be in Canada, where your only options for hero are Peterson and a freak in blackface. And he predicted that rejecting compulsory pronouns would end up becoming a crime. People laughed at him, mainly because he was right. 

Meanwhile, here’s a guy from Wisconsin Institute for Law and Liberty who’s defending the accused students claiming that misuse of pronouns is not covered by Title IX. 

LUKE BERG: Title IX sexual harassment typically covers things like rape, dating violence, quid pro quo sexual favors, right? Really egregious stuff. There’s nothing even remotely close to that alleged in this case. 

The charge against students for sexual harassment is an extreme abuse of the Title IX process. It’s totally inappropriate and is totally being mishandled by the school district. 

Totally. Very informative tape there. We’re almost like a news program. Almost. Now the district sees the refusal of a student to use pronouns as a form of bullying, and the district prohibits all forms of bullying and harassment. All forms of bullying. Isn’t forcing students to say what they don’t believe a form of bullying? Let me save you from some unnecessary internal mental debate and tell you the answer is yes.

Of course, if the alleged victim student had been teased, then the schoolteachers or principal should address it. But not with charges of sexual harassment, which could destroy reputations. That’s kind of out of proportion. Like swatting a fly with Joy Behar.

It shows you why so many parents around the country are freaking out now. Not only do they have to worry about CRT or drugs and social media, they’ve got to worry about some leftist, a-hole school administrator canceling the kid’s reputation before he or she is old enough to have one. 

Parents, you’re now called homophobic if you don’t want gender obsessed activists teaching your kids about “they” and “them.” You’re called domestic terrorists. If you openly question school lockdowns, mask mandates, or the brainwash called CRT. 

Yes, parents are terrorists, although the only way they blow themselves up is with a high carb diet. And parents are now told you’re a bigot if you feel it’s inappropriate having drag queens do storytime in class. And I agree. Keep that crap out of the schools and where it belongs, my house on a Saturday night. Look, I don’t have kids. They smell. But I am so pissed I’m thinking about adopting. 

But just imagine when it moves beyond the classroom. 

STAFFER 1: Hi. Yes, I’d like to speak to Deborah about her extended warranty.

STAFFER 2: Her? My pronouns are dirt and bag. 

STAFFER 1: Oh. Well, anyway, I’m calling about your 1996 Geo Prism. 

STAFFER 2: Oh, my car identifies as a volt as in “revolt.”

STAFFER 1: Oh. Are you having trouble with your electrical system? 

STAFFER 2: **** the system. 

STAFFER 1: Oh, okay. Well, anyway, our warranty comes with a free tire iron and jack and those come in handy. 

STAFFER 2: Handy? You ableist bastard. Also, it’s not a car jack. It’s a car jill. 

STAFFER 1: Okay. Thanks for your time, sir. 

Apparently they like dirt bag better than they like Kat. 

So we’ll keep an eye on this story. Maybe the charges will get dismissed. Maybe it’ll turn out there’s more to it than meets the eye. 

One thing is for sure, just because it sounds absurd doesn’t make it false. In today’s world, it’s the absurd that is now the norm. No wonder parents are pissed, but don’t wonder aloud, or Merrick Garland will investigate you with the Patriot Act. 

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